Fantasy (74 blagues)

Can a ghost and a zombie come from the same person?
I’m so amused by the image of a ghost watching in horror as their zombified body shambles around…

Zombie: BRAINSSSSS
Ghost: This is so embarrassing. Please, Phil, get it together. We were a lawyer, for god’s sake.

Count Dracula was 412 when he moved to England in search of new blood.
Sauron was 54,000 years old when he forged the One Ring.
Cthulhu had seen galaxies flare into life and fade to darkness before he put madness in the minds of men.

It’s never too late to follow your dreams!

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

• 🍆 Sex

Do centaur babies suckle from the horse nipples, or the human nipples?

For anyone attending Stan Lee’s funeral…
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

FRODO: what is it?
SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.
FRODO: smiles come on Sam!
[literally one step later]
SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.
FRODO: wait no

Fun fact: Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel while on his back cause once they’re on their shell a turtle can’t flip over

Harry Potter has way too many characters…
Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

“Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?”
“No- wait, Dracula?”
“Yes!”
“You’re vampires?”
“Yes. We have pamphlets.”
“Vampires have missionaries?”
“Where else would new vampires come from?”
“I assumed you bit people.”
“There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in?”

I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

“Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character” I exclaimed,

“Fuck off” She shouted “I haven’t got dressed yet”

• 👫 Man and woman