Dark humor (41 blagues)

Every year, unknowingly, we pass the anniversary of our future death.

How’s everyone holding up?
It’s crazy out there. I’ve killed like fifteen zombies already.
Why are they all carrying candy?

How to create a unicorn : kill a narwhal. Take his horn. Hammer it in a white horse’s head. Unicorn!
What? A dead one? Ungrateful bastard.

• 🐪 Animals

I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks.

I lost 40 pounds in one day and YOU CAN TOO if you cut off your leg

I love writing jokes while crossing the stre

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.
I told her we use names here.

• ✡️ Jew

I’m sitting here thinking about leaving my husband. He hasn’t been intimate with me since our son died.

I would leave right now, but the ambulance is still in the drive way blocking my car.

• 👫 Man and woman

In Texas, how do you get a black man out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

• 🇺🇸 America
• 👨🏿 Black

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

• 👫 Man and woman