Dark humor (44 blagues)

They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Top tip: this winter, hide a collection of bones in your snowman as a surprise for the children when it melts.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.

• 🪖 Military

What’s the first thing you do after sex?

Continue the autopsy whilst reminding myself that a moment of weakness does not make me a bad vet

When I’m bored, I send a text to a random stranger saying “I hid the body… now what?”

When I was 8, my best friend stole my boomerang and we got into a big fight. The next day his parents died in a car accident and I never saw him again.
Jeff, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.