Family (74 blagues)

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Guinness. She didn’t like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian’s she didn’t like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn’t. I drank it.

I thought maybe she’d like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson’s; nope!
In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar’s finest scotch. She wouldn’t even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized she just didn’t like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!

• 🍺 Alcohol

Wife: I’m pregnant.
Me: Hi pregnant, I’m Dad!
Wife: No you’re not.

• 🔥 Cheating
• Dad jokes
• 👫 Man and woman

Wife was breastfeeding.

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it

• Dad jokes

Wife was cleaning 12 year old son’s bedroom
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband “what do we do?”

Husband says “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

• 🍆 Sex