Disability (21 blagues)

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
“What’s wrong?” man asks.
“Never been kissed before” girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
“What’s wrong?” man asks.
“Never been wined and dined before” girl says.
So man takes her out for a beautiful meal, gets her drunk and wheels her off home.

Again man walks through park following day. Girl still in wheelchair crying.
“What’s wrong?” Asks man.
“Never been fucked before” says girl.
So man picks up girl and throws her in the river:
“Well you’re fucked now”

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back?

• 👫 Man and woman

My wife said to me “If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me”
I said “Thats the fifth time you’ve said that today”

• 👵 Geriatry

Not sure I’ve laughed more in a game than reading the files of my soldiers in Valkyria Chronicles. “Allergic to sand” was a good one.

• 🧙‍♂️ Fantasy

Some people manage their chronic illness with green smoothies and pilates.
I manage mine with sarcasm and a dark sense of humor.
You know, whatever works for you.

They told me I wouldn’t be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic
But so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?

No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.

• 🐪 Animals

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.