HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

  1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
  2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
  3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
  4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
  5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
  6. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
  9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
  10. She is not a prostitute - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
  11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORIALLY SUPERIOR.
  12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

  1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
  2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
  3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
  4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
  5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
  6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
  7. He does not have his HEAD UP HIS ASS - He has developed a case of CRANIAL-RECTAL INVERSION.
  8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
  9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
  10. He is not HORNY - he is SEXUALLY FOCUSED