In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

  • On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
  • On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
  • On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???….)
  • On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but it's "just" a suggestion).
  • On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well…duh a bit late huh)!
  • On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (…and you thought????…)
  • On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
  • On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
  • On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and…I'm taking this because???….)
  • On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to…what)?
  • On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now somebody out there help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
  • On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a new flash)
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe uh…fly Delta?)
  • On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
  • On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (... was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)